Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Chapter Eight: Jimmy Rollins Named National League MVP



We Phillies fans never doubted that Jimmy would win. And not just because of his amazing achievements in hitting, slug-ging, being at bat and all that. The Baseball Writers Association of America forgot to mention that he is one of the most graceful players in the game. Being a fabulous shortstop counts more than being a fabulous left fielder, for gosh sakes. Outgoing Philadelphia Mayor John Street gave him his “Day” with a lot of terrific action including his giving 32 computers to a local high school. Although I’m exactly fifty years too old for him, had I been the mayor I would have declared it “Jimmy Rollins Night” also.



I’m gonna write to General Manager Pat Gillick that now’s the time to put a statue of Mr. Rollins up at Citizens Bank Park, while he’s in his prime. Omigosh, yes! This morning I talked to Wilmington Sculptor Charles Parks’ (he has a huge body of work one can see locally) Assistant, Brad Vanneman, about the challenges of creating Jimmy’s face. It’s about that amazing smile with the gap between his front teeth. Mr. Vanneman, who is a big Phillies and Rollins fan, agreed that his smile was KEY! Zenos Frudakis has created the sculptures at the Park so far, but the point of doing a living person lies in finding that elusive mix of conviction and talent in a sculptor whom the subject will trust. Never forget that architect I.M. Pei got to build that ethereal pyramid at the Louvre because he won President Mitterand's contest.



The fans, whose funds might be matched by Management, can support this. Well, you might ask, what about Ryan Howard, Chase Utley or Cole Hamels (among others)? Yes they are all wonderful. But we love Jimmy Rollins unreservedly and we’ve felt that way since his first season seven years ago.


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Chapter Seven: Seasonal Tag Ends, World Series, New Business

Was this Paul Lo Duca’s Last Year with the Mets?

I saw the Sunday September 16th Phillies 10-6 game against the Mets from behind the Phillies dugout right on the field at Shea. One does experience the game intensely at that level! Phew! There was Greg Dobbs’ pinch grand slam. And Paul Lo Duca at very close range. He must have been suffering from Terminally Tired Teeny Bopperitis. Far from appearing appealingly chunky, he looked fat. He airmailed a throw over second and certainly didn’t keep the other six of the Phils’ ten runs from crossing the plate, either. The Mets made six errors in that game! Shortly before the end of the season, but in time for them still to win the East, Mr. Lo Duca shaved off his becoming crew cut. That example did not help, as we Phillies fans know. And when he woke up and smelled the roses, David Wright was the new team captain who had never given in. Who hit better and fielded more brilliantly at the end of the season than he had all year (which he needed to do).


But then the Mets had to die horribly in order for the Phils to win the Division Title.

Phillies Post Partum Depression!
They certainly seemed contented not to stretch themselves further against the Rockies, or at least Charlie Manuel didn’t ask them to. One might have thought that the Phillies’ disappointing performance against the Rockies would have made them and Charlie Manuel exceedingly depressed. I could not discern this in their remarks, ‘though, nor in their public demeanor. It would seem that the Division Title was the prize they had knocked themselves out for regardless of victory’s ironic path. Manuel did not manage them with any brio either in those Playoff games. Absolutely Not Department! Except for Pitcher Jamie Moyer’s third game, everyone phoned in his work. Any further des-criptions shall not follow.

Another Skewed World Series – Yawn City Again
The Rockies played with such a lack of cohesion and forcefulness; they were so tentative, I wondered how they had accumulated their previous record. Just another example of: A New Series Team Choking Department. The Sox didn’t just beat them, they engulfed them. I can’t stand to watch the Sox, ‘though, because so many of them look like rejects from a casting call for HBO’s late lamented Deadwood series. They have so much revolting facial hair. Yuck! It’s about the catcher Jason Varitek and the rookie Dustin Pedroia.

First Baseman Kevin Youkilis could be one of the Smith Brothers. The cough drop Smiths, but of course.

Post Mortem


I’m proposing a new logo for Major League Baseball as a new sign of truth in advertising. A rendering, a transformation as it were, of this photograph of a beautiful piece of porcelain that I happen to own. The Minton China Company in England made it some time between 1875 and say, 1920. It has crenellated sides and is made of porcelain in a stunning blue design on white from the Art Nouveau period. It is a spittoon. This particular spittoon is quite valuable because it is an authentic piece by an important manufacturer still in business. Were it not, I’d pack it up and send it by FED EX to Sox Manager Terry Francona for his revolting performance during the recent Series.

But I’m gonna keep it right here and wait for the call.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Chapter Six: Yes, There Is Only One Oc-toe-ber!



Now that the Playoffs have actually started, Dane Cook comes closer to the camera in his commercials and smiles: we get a good look at his teeth. Now we know why it doesn’t matter whether his jokes are funny or not. He has the best smile around. Teeth are it for me, everything! And Dane honey, you’ve got ‘em, bigtime!

So does my favorite Phillie, Jimmy Rollins have great teeth, as well as meeting all of the other biases detailed in my first chapter.

• He’s handsome. (and very photogenic).
• He’s fit, and proved it by playing in every game of the regular season.
• He’s not too tall, 5’8, and powerfully built.
• He’s well groomed, always.
• He dresses well outside of Citizens Bank Park:


• He loves animals:


• He is the Phillies’ leader, especially this year because of his prophecy that raised so many laughs when he came to bat against the Mets at Shea. And only brought tears at the end.
• He honors the Phils in his behavior. He didn’t get on the cover of Sports Illustrated by being a jerk!

In yesterday’s lst playoff game against the Colorado Rockies, a swell team, three sets of circumstances prevented the Phillies from winning.

Our ace Cole Hamels walked 3 and gave up 3 runs in the 2nd inning.



Rockies’ Pitcher Jeff Francis kept our top guys from getting any hits. Rollins, Utley and Howard went 0-11 with eight strikeouts! Eight strikeouts? Yes. Utley struck out four times, and he’s only done that once before!

The Phillies didn’t field well either. Rowand couldn’t field Todd Helton’s leadoff triple in the 2nd inning. He scored that first crucial 1st run.



Hamels regained his control for the rest of his innings but Jeff Francis was the hero of the game. He only allowed two back to back home runs by Pat Burrell and Aaron Rowand.

Left fielder Matt Holiday hit a home run off reliever Flash Gordon in the seventh to bring the score to its final 4-2.

Ignominiously, Carlos Ruiz made the only steal, despite speedy pinch runner Michael Bourn being in there. The team is staying upbeat, declaring that they always come back from behind.

That is the Phillies’ style, Not To Worry Department.

But I’m worried anyway.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Chapter Five: Such, Such are the Joys. A Same Old and Some Spin



A Same Old: There’s Paul Lo Duca and another girlfriend smiling broadly once again because he made the trip to Sambo’s in Leipsic here in Delaware to sample their fabulous steamed crabs with coleslaw and French fries. They’re drinking some fresh Dogfish Head locally brewed beer also, “just the best with those swell crabs”! he said, agreeably. “I need to pack in all the good times I can get coming back into the game against the Phillies on Monday night”.



Some Spin: Manager of the Year? Watching Charlie Manuel taking credit – when it should be the blame - for making an excellent starting pitcher - a guy with four great pitches - that’s right Brett Myers, into a closer!





And for continuing to use and to defend using rhp Tom Gordon (ERA 6.00) as an 8th inning reliever when he continues to give up home runs. The Phillies are 6 behind the Mets and 3 behind the Padres and guess who’s comin’ to dinner tonight at seven??



The Joys: Blessings be upon the Major Leagues for eschewing Tommy Lasorda, the old, cranky insider who was somewhat funny in last year’s spots. In choosing Dane Cook this year they’re goin’ for young and hip. Mr. Cook is good looking without Paul Lo Duca’s dangerous ethnicity. In fact he’s actually not in Mr. Lo Duca’s league at all, because he looks about eighteen. He also has tee-shirts goin’ for him, which as my readers know, are not my preferred form of dress except for, but of course, ball games! But he does have an alluring and lustrous voice especially when he says “There ‘s only one..! – “Oc-toe-ber!” Right, Dane, honey

The Joys – in Yesterday’s matinee against the Padres all of the Phillies’ best hitters, especially those who had not been hitting the way they know how, like 1st baseman and mvp, Ryan Howard, came across bigtime. He, Rollins, Iguchi, Burrell, Rowand, Coste and Werth who hit a career 5 for 5 high, unleashed a mighty tsunami that drowned the Padres 14-2 while lifting their own and the fans’ spirits like thousands of tiny boats to the top of that wave.

Obvious Conclusion: The Phillies must take most of this series against the Mets. On Tuesday Adam Eaton will pitch. Didn’t I tell you his shoulder wasn’t very sore?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Chapter Four: Give Credit Where It’s Due Department



Right about now folks get to thinkin’ about who the Manager of the Year might be. Well I know who it oughtta be: Phillies Manager Charlie Manuel. The Phillies are either in third or second place a few games behind the Mets in the National League Eastern Division despite the fact that 2nd baseman Chase Utley, right fielder Shane Victorino, pitcher Jon Lieber, reliever Ryan Madsen, and speedy fielder Michael Bourn are on the DL. Also:

• Right fielder Pat Burrell is 6-for-32 in nine games since being moved into Utley’s no. 3 spot.

• First baseman Ryan Howard is 2 for the last 17 at bats and in 18 games without Utley he’s 13-for-65 with 29 strikeouts. As our television commentator Gary, “Sarge” Matthews keeps on saying,”he’s gotta stand closer to the plate”.

• Utley 2nd base replacement Tadahito Iguchi has hit once in his last 20 at bats.

• Over the past two games the Phillies have struck out 24 times. And yet they are in second or third place a few games behind the Mets and the Braves. Why? Because they give all that they have for Charlie Manuel.

There have been continuing problems with the Phillies bullpen. But it has finally kicked in bigtime, just behind the Nats’with Jose Mesa, J.C. Romero, Antonio Alfonseca, Tom Gordon, and most importantly, Brett Myers filling their appointed roles beautifully. It was Manuel who turned Myers into a closer iin the first place and insisted on keeping him on the DL for nine weeks with a strained shoulder.

Meanwhile expensive starter Adam Eaton just hasn’t been able to handle the early innings of his games, with a 7.96 ERA for his last 10 starts.

“Yes, we’re putting Adam Eaton on the DL for two weeks, he said last night. “He’s had problems with his shoulder in at least his last three starts, lots of stiffness. He’ll get a chance to relax, rest, rethink everything and come back to us refreshed”. Heaven forefend that Manuel would give the real reason. Oh? No. But he has revealed himself to be the diplomat many did not know he was:



Eaton has been suffering from a bad case of first and second inning pitching nerves in his last ten games. I believe that such nerves cannot be unheard of. He is only 26 years old. This past Sunday night during the Phillies/Braves Game of the Week I saw Braves pitcher John Smoltz speak about the stress of pitching in the major leagues. “You can not compare that stress with what you experience pitching a rehab game in the minor leagues”! he said.

Now Eaton can be activated on August 27th when the Mets start a 4-game series with the Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. He is 5-0 against them with a 1.89 ERA, a fantastic record. But will Charlie Manuel let Eaton pitch?? Meaning, will Manuel have the guts to let Eaton pitch? To the first place Mets, the guys the Phillies have to beat, and in fact the guys the Phillies usually do beat!

Both Eaton and Manuel will have had about two weeks to think it over.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Chapter Three, The Homer Seen Around New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Delaware


Paul Lo Duca with his latest Girlfriend

Paul Lo Duca and his latest bird are eating a large meal – kir royales, grilled sardines, rare steaks, French fries and house red at Pastis, a terrific downtown restaurant, my favorite place, in fact. Mr. Lo Duca needed to stoke his stomach to renew all the energy he expended when he hit the third solo home run in a row off Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels Thursday June 7th. Lo Duca stopped, then threw his bat in the air like a cheerleader’s baton on a Friday night in Odessa, Texas.



Pitcher Hamels didn’t see Lo Duca’s reaction immediately because he was watching the path of the ball, according to Scott Lauber in the Delaware NEWS JOURNAL. Phew! When he saw the instant replay he was incensed: “He’s a veteran. He should know better. It’s the old sacred game thing. There are little kids out there that are looking up to you. They look at what happens. That’s not the right way to do things.”

Conclusion: Mr. Lo Duca probably did not play Little League ball. Or belong to the Boy Scouts. And he would have looked so dashing in the Scouts uniform:



CHAPTER THREE

The NYTimes shows very interesting timing in an article by Jere Longman on Tuesday June 12th regarding the fact that the Phillies have an upcoming milestone: their 10,000th defeat. ‘WHAT PHILLIES FANS ALREADY KNEW’. And this, at a time when the Phillies have chalked up an impressive number of statistics as of today, June 14th:

• Pitching – Hamels, 9-2 (.818), tops.
• Strikeouts-Hamels .104, tops.
• Runs-Rollins.51, Utley,47
• RBI-Utley,53, tops.
• Hits-Utley,80
• Doubles-Utley,27, tops.
• Triples-Rollins,8
• Home Runs-Howard,13
• Stolen Bases-Victorino,20

The Phillies are tied with the Braves for 2nd place in the National League East, having won 35 games and lost 31, just 2 ½ games behind the Mets, whom they swept three times last week, coming off a three game dustoff of the Chicago White Sox this week. This included a grand slam by Centerfielder Aaron Rowand whom the Phillies acquired from the Sox in the Jim Thome trade of 2005, who said, ”it was just great to be able to help us get closer to the Mets.”

OBVIOUS QUESTION DEPARTMENT: Was Rollins correct when he said last Spring, “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after the World Series: for they shall be filled.”

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Biased Baseball (Chapters 1 and 2)

CHAPTER ONE
My late husband Mr. Wrong frequently chastised me this way: ”You know Joan, what bothers me about you is that you’re so superficial”. “Yeah” I always answered, slowly. “ but that’s what people like about me.” How people look, dress and speak tells you so much about them.

I love baseball. Because it requires so much hand-eye coordination, endurance and skill. Because it’s not violent, well, hey, not on purpose! Because it defines our culture more fully than any other thing we do. Because I can watch so many good-looking and funny-looking men disporting themselves gracefully and disgracefully, humorously and horribly; many for money, and some for love, like the late, swell Phillies Coach John Vukovich.

But those players, commentators, managers and any other people in the game I shall write about have to have certain qualities:

1. They should be handsome in a manly fashion, no filled-out Boy Scouts. Handsome men inspire confidence. And desire!

2. They should be fit.

3. They should not be too tall. My father, the late, wonderful Dick Shryock was five feet ten, and that was perfect.

4. They should be well groomed. I loathe the unshaven look, or unwashed hair. They must have good haircuts.

5. They must dress well outside of their ballparks.

6. They should love animals.

7. They should be leaders of men.

8. They must honor the game in their behavior.

For those of you who have not read my short piece on last year’s playoffs I am including it here:

What Sages Have Said About the Game and its Participants in the Series We All Lived For (with a few emendations)


Fran Lebowitz stated in Cooks on Food, Eating, and Cooking that: ”Baseball is an important part of a balanced diet”.

When Willie Randolph put Cliff Floyd up, reflect on Dr. H. Chomet’s comments from his authoritative guide The Influence of Music on Health and Life: “What a magnificent example of schmuckiness causing mental diseases! What an encouragement for managers! Schmuckiness is useful, too, for strengthening our imagination, reviving our sensitiveness and relieving fatigue”.

Lord Krishna spoke loftily in the Bhagavad Gita about Scott Rolen’s reaction when Terry La Russa replaced him: “My third baseman who is free from enmity, well disposed towards all creatures, the same in pain and pleasure, patient of wrongs, and whose mind and heart are fixed on me alone, is dear unto me”.

St. Paul sketched Billy Wagner’s problem in Chapter 13 of his 1st Letter to the Corinthians: “Though he pitches with the arms of men and of angels and had not loyalty to the Phillies he is become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though he has a majestic fastball he threw sliders, gave up hits and home runs, he had not loyalty to the Phillies. And now abideth faith, hope, loyalty, these three; but the greatest of these is loyalty”.

In the Tao The Ching, Lao-Tsu observed of A-Rod that: “If only he had the tiniest grain of hitting with r.i.s.p. he should walk in the Great Way, and his only fear would be to stray from it. The Great Way is very smooth and straight; and yet he prefers the devious path of striking out”.

Pious Job noted these flaws in the fielding skills of Brandon Inge, Fernando Rodney, Joel Zumaya et. alia: “They have thrown with vanity, and their feet hath hasted to deceit, let them be weighed in an even balance that God may know their integrity; their step hath turned out of the way and the ball flew after their eyes, let their offspring be rooted out”.

Herewith, Shelley’s ageless but poignant ode:
“I met a traveller from an antique land. Who said:
Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand inside a ruined stadium. Near them, in the snow,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lips and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Leyland, King of Kings:
Look on my Works Ye Mighty, and Despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level snows stretch far away”.

CHAPTER TWO

My favorite baseball player is Mets Catcher Paul Lo Duca. He is outstandingly handsome! Omigosh! It’s about his cheekbones, his nose, his eyes, his mouth, his skin, his hair, his voice, pure Nooh Yawk. (He didn’t pick up any Arizona!) The moment he stops playing ball, he’s gotta leave for L.A. without passin’ GO. The Playoff facts said that his favorite actor was Robert De Niro. Well Mr. Lo Duca can take over from Mr. De Niro any time. Especially in the come hither or ‘Lie down I wanna talk to ya' department. Mr. Lo Duca embodies each of my biases, which is why he is my first choice.

1. He is handsome in a manly fashion and has always been so. Mr. Lo Duca was an unusually charming and intelligent looking baby. Phew! Here he is at twelve months:



And when he merely sits in the dugout at Shea the TV camera lingers on him as if he were the late Marilyn Monroe. Out of town cameramen do this too, fortunately. When he 's at bat, his black eyes sparkle malevolently. He 's up to no good. He’s gonna poke that ball where nobody is. And he plays few games where he does not get at least two hits. Which is why he owns race-horses and other men do not.

2. He has to be fit. Mr. Lo Duca has the correct chunky physique fitted into approximately 200 pounds that a catcher needs to do his work consistently. With the well developed thighs that block the plate from its seekers as well as errant pitches. And the strong right arm that nails fools tryin’ to steal second.

3. He should not be too tall. Is it just fate that Mr. Lo Duca has the same height as my late father? Squatting for hours is tough on anyone. But it must be more difficult for a tall catcher, which is why most are not. Despite the tough job demand, Mr. Lo Duca batted over 300 last year. I think height works for pitchers, otherwise, not.

4. He should be well groomed and have a good haircut. I have yet to see Mr. Lo Duca sporting anything but a crew cut, a hair style that might have been invented for him.

5. He should dress well outside of his ballpark. Mr. Lo Duca has not always been the inspiring dresser he is now, as one can see from this shot of him at his Senior Prom "After Party".



He now wears cream colored or white linen slacks or khakis with coffee bean or black cotton pique- weave polo shirts in the summer and coordinating cashmere cable knit sweaters tied over his shoulders. He loves small silk neck scarves tied casually, and boat shoes - no socks but of course! During fall and winter he likes flannels or khakis, and for dress, really flamboyant pin striped suits. One can only say, "be still my heart!"

6. He should love animals. The Playoff facts said that Mr. Lo Duca owns two Yorkshire terriers. What it didn’t say was how greatly Mr. Lo Duca’s experiments with his beloved Guinea Pigs Stella, Stanley and Blanche in middle school contributed to the outstanding blocking technique he has at the plate. Now Stella, not Stanley nor of course, Blanche, was the Alpha Pig. And when Stanley squealed "Stella!", as long as Mr. Lo Duca was feeding her the foods she loved which included linguine, mangoes, strawberries, red peppers, broccoli and celery, but not tomatoes, she was only interested in them, not Stanley. And she positioned her front legs and tucked her back legs underneath her in a way that prevented Stanley from coming close and also made noises that he did not care for. Mr. Lo Duca has been able to imitate the position(s) that she took with beneficial effects for all of the teams for whom he has played and to great effect for the Mets last season and so far this season.

7. He shall be a leader of men. A good leader sets a fine example. Mr. Lo Duca's modesty has converted me, even if he was preaching to the choir in my case. Consider this excerpt from his interview with reporter Ben Shpigel in the NewYork Times this past Friday June 1st regarding his batting average for May: .413 (33 for 80), the highest in baseball. "It's just one of those things where I've been seeing the ball well," he said. Right. My eyes are rolling heavenward. Pat Burrell sees the ball well. Bobby Abreu sees the ball well. What results do they get? Walks.

8. He should honor the game in his behavior. Mr. Lo Duca is the consummate player: focussed and intense. He does not smile often. There was that time after the sixth game against the Cardinals last year when he hit a single over second that scored two for the win. A beautiful blonde across the plate, threw her arms about him and kissed him. Those rhythmical chants of 'Lo,Lo,Lo,Lo Duca!" did not subside. He smiled. Last evening I happened to read the top of the page from which I had excerpted the above mentioned article. This one, by Richard Sandomir, mentioned that Mr. Lo Duca had teenage lovers and that his wife had filed for divorce last year.

I did find a picture of Mr. Lo Duca with a young looking girl:



Apparently the fact that he had not honored the game did not affect his behavior this year. He's playing better than ever and I'll bet, earning more money than ever! In our sports culture you are what you earn. And who gets the most money is the best! Down in the Delaware Valley where I live, Phillies starting pitcher Brett Myers beat up his wife in front of a number of witnesses last summer in Boston. Phillies management botched the entire incident by saying practically nothing. Fans screamed, threatened to cancel season tickets. Then they sent Myers away for two weeks, made him take counseling. His wife refused to pursue the complaint later in court. Right now he's getting $25 million and has taken on a new life as a closer. The best? We just don't know yet, do we??